Written by Don Pitz. Illustrations by Seth Melton. Seth Melton is available for hire. You can find more of his work at meltonium.com
The George Washington University Men’s College Basketball All Stars work every day to spread the joy of basketball. They encourage others to live an active lifestyle with proper nutrition. The League of Bad Guys is dedicated to bring chaos and evil. They know the power of basketball is the greatest force of good in this world, and could bring us peace and prosperity. Who will win this struggle?
Last episode, The League of Bad Guys’ Comrade Chaos took over the school system in a city in Slovenia. She converted the schools into sweatshop factories and made the children work there to ship junk food to the United States. That matter has since been resolved.
The GW Basketball All Stars are watching the movie “Krush Groove” at the Fortress of Basketball-tude. Their neighbor Gary enters without knocking on the door. "Hey, GW All Stars! It's your crrrazy neighbor!' says Gary. The All Stars cheer, happy to see their friend again. “Say, Pops. I’ve been looking all over the place, but I can’t seem to find my nundoo.”
“What’s a nun do?” asks Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
“Teach Catholic school,” says Gary. They all laugh together. Gary exits.
The ghost of Yinka Dare appears before them. “GW All Stars, the world needs your help! I have a letter from 1984.”
“What’s a 1984?” asks Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
“Oh, Pops” says Mike Hall. “1984 isn’t a thing. It’s a year. We received a letter sent to us from back in time.”
“That’s right,” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. “We’ve had this letter ever since we built the Fortress. It said on the envelope not to open it until this very date. Here’s the really strange thing – the letter is written by Shawnta Rogers!”
Shawnta Rogers says, “Hey, I may be capable of some pretty incredible things, but I know I didn’t write a letter to us back in 1984.”
“Not yet!” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. “I don’t want to bore everyone with all the details, but we need to go back in time to save Kurtis Blow. The League of Bad Guys will go back in time to try and make Kurtis Blow come out with a song about how he hates basketball.”
“Kurtis Blow’s song, ‘Basketball’ is why basketball became my favorite sport,” says Mike Hall. “Ever since that song came out, I love it when they dribble up and down the court. But how are we supposed to be able to travel time?”
“Well, the good news is time travel is the easy part,” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. “I’ve invited Physics Professor William Briscoe from GW. He’ll explain how you can travel time.”
Professor William Briscoe enters and teaches them how they can travel time.
Meanwhile, at the lair of the League of Bad Guys, they’re all talking about how they hate basketball.
“I hate slam dunks. I don’t want to be taken to hoop”, says Mr. Kim. “My least favorite play is alley-oop.”
“I hate the pick and roll. I hate the give and go”, says Comrade Chaos, in her thick Soviet accent. “I hate basketball and I hate Mr. Kurtis Blow.”
“Grongo smash Kurtis Blow”, says the mindless oaf Grongo.
“Yes, well… I think we can stop worrying about Kurtis Blow and his rap song about basketball”, says Number One Bad Guy. “I’ve got wonderful news. I’ve discovered how we can travel time.”
"What good that do?" asks Mr. Kim.
"What good WILL that do," corrects Number One Bad Guy. “We all know that Kurtis Blow’s song about basketball is one of the main reasons why the GW All Stars ever started playing basketball in the first place. So, we’ll go back in time to convince Kurtis Blow to come out with a song about how he thinks basketball stinks. Then, the GW All Stars will never start playing basketball. The world will be ours! It's really a foolproof plan. The best part is the GW All Stars can't do anything about it." They all laugh maniacally together.
The GW All Stars arrive in the year 1984. They all remark on the cultural differences between 1984 and 2011: the hairstyles are different; the fashion is different. Nobody has cell phones and they carry boom boxes instead of i-pods. But the strangest thing to all of them is that nobody recognizes them. In 2011, they’re used to being world-famous. But in 1984, they haven’t formed as a team yet, so they’re not famous yet. They go to try and find Kurtis Blow at his studio.
The bad news is that the League of Bad Guys have captured Kurtis Blow and overtaken his studio. They also captured the Fat Boys.
“Fat Boys! We demand that you make rap songs about eating lots of junk food and going to buffets”, demands Number One Bad Guy.
“No arguments here,” says Prince Markie Dee.
“Yeah, we love eating junk food and going to buffets. You’ve got a deal,” says Kool Rock-ski. The Fat Boys exit.
“Now, onto you, Kurtis Blow,” says Number One Bad Guy. “We’re here to convince you to make a song about how basketball stinks.”
“I’ll never do that”, says Kurtis Blow, who has been tied to a chair. “Basketball has always been my thing. I like Magic, Bird and Bernard King”.
“Well, we have ways to convince you otherwise”, says Mr. Kim. He sends five of his kung-fu goons to beat up Kurtis Blow. Just as one of his goons is about to hit Kurtis Blow with a nunchaku, it gets hit out of his hand with a basketball. The GW All Stars have arrived!
“Step away from Kurtis Blow”, says Mike Brown. “Mr. Kim, we challenge your goons to a game of basketball. If they win, we leave and Kurtis Blow can write your song about how basketball stinks. If we win, you and the League of Bad Guys leave him alone and he can complete his “Ego Trip” album the way he wants to.” Mr. Kim accepts their challenge.
In the locker room before the game, the GW All Stars discuss their strategy. They try to decide who will be the fifth player. Former GW basketball player Kwame Evans enters the room.
“Kwame Evans! What are you doing here?” asks Mike Hall.
“I travel time a lot. It’s fun!” says Kwame Evans. “Mind if I play with you guys?”
In Mr. Kim’s locker room, the goons ask him how they could possibly beat the GW All Stars, and they thank him for believing in their skills. Mr. Kim informs them there won’t be any basketball game. Instead, he has a plan…
At tip-off, Kwame Evans goes up for the jump ball. One of Mr. Kim’s goons hits him with a nunchaku. The other goons reveal that they are carrying kung fu weapons and look like they want to fight the GW All Stars.
“Hey, this isn’t how you play basketball!” says Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
The GW All Stars team up with Kwame Evans and use a combination of their basketball skills and kung fu skills to defeat Mr. Kim’s goons.
“GW All Stars, you may have one the battle, but you won’t win the war!” yells Number One Bad Guy. The League of Bad Guys retreat and travel time back to 2011.
“Kurtis Blow, it really is an honor to meet you,” says Shawnta Rogers, as he unties him from his chair.
“Hey, the pleasure is all mine. Thanks so much for saving me,” says Kurtis Blow. “You guys actually gave me a great idea for my music video. You think you’d want to stick around and watch me make the video?” The GW All Stars all agree.
The George Washington University Men’s College Basketball All Stars work every day to spread the joy of basketball. They encourage others to live an active lifestyle with proper nutrition. The League of Bad Guys is dedicated to bring chaos and evil. They know the power of basketball is the greatest force of good in this world, and could bring us peace and prosperity. Who will win this struggle?
Last episode, The League of Bad Guys’ Comrade Chaos took over the school system in a city in Slovenia. She converted the schools into sweatshop factories and made the children work there to ship junk food to the United States. That matter has since been resolved.
The GW Basketball All Stars are watching the movie “Krush Groove” at the Fortress of Basketball-tude. Their neighbor Gary enters without knocking on the door. "Hey, GW All Stars! It's your crrrazy neighbor!' says Gary. The All Stars cheer, happy to see their friend again. “Say, Pops. I’ve been looking all over the place, but I can’t seem to find my nundoo.”
“What’s a nun do?” asks Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
“Teach Catholic school,” says Gary. They all laugh together. Gary exits.
The ghost of Yinka Dare appears before them. “GW All Stars, the world needs your help! I have a letter from 1984.”
“What’s a 1984?” asks Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
“Oh, Pops” says Mike Hall. “1984 isn’t a thing. It’s a year. We received a letter sent to us from back in time.”
“That’s right,” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. “We’ve had this letter ever since we built the Fortress. It said on the envelope not to open it until this very date. Here’s the really strange thing – the letter is written by Shawnta Rogers!”
Shawnta Rogers says, “Hey, I may be capable of some pretty incredible things, but I know I didn’t write a letter to us back in 1984.”
“Not yet!” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. “I don’t want to bore everyone with all the details, but we need to go back in time to save Kurtis Blow. The League of Bad Guys will go back in time to try and make Kurtis Blow come out with a song about how he hates basketball.”
“Kurtis Blow’s song, ‘Basketball’ is why basketball became my favorite sport,” says Mike Hall. “Ever since that song came out, I love it when they dribble up and down the court. But how are we supposed to be able to travel time?”
“Well, the good news is time travel is the easy part,” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. “I’ve invited Physics Professor William Briscoe from GW. He’ll explain how you can travel time.”
Professor William Briscoe enters and teaches them how they can travel time.
Meanwhile, at the lair of the League of Bad Guys, they’re all talking about how they hate basketball.
“I hate slam dunks. I don’t want to be taken to hoop”, says Mr. Kim. “My least favorite play is alley-oop.”
“I hate the pick and roll. I hate the give and go”, says Comrade Chaos, in her thick Soviet accent. “I hate basketball and I hate Mr. Kurtis Blow.”
“Grongo smash Kurtis Blow”, says the mindless oaf Grongo.
“Yes, well… I think we can stop worrying about Kurtis Blow and his rap song about basketball”, says Number One Bad Guy. “I’ve got wonderful news. I’ve discovered how we can travel time.”
"What good that do?" asks Mr. Kim.
"What good WILL that do," corrects Number One Bad Guy. “We all know that Kurtis Blow’s song about basketball is one of the main reasons why the GW All Stars ever started playing basketball in the first place. So, we’ll go back in time to convince Kurtis Blow to come out with a song about how he thinks basketball stinks. Then, the GW All Stars will never start playing basketball. The world will be ours! It's really a foolproof plan. The best part is the GW All Stars can't do anything about it." They all laugh maniacally together.
The GW All Stars arrive in the year 1984. They all remark on the cultural differences between 1984 and 2011: the hairstyles are different; the fashion is different. Nobody has cell phones and they carry boom boxes instead of i-pods. But the strangest thing to all of them is that nobody recognizes them. In 2011, they’re used to being world-famous. But in 1984, they haven’t formed as a team yet, so they’re not famous yet. They go to try and find Kurtis Blow at his studio.
The bad news is that the League of Bad Guys have captured Kurtis Blow and overtaken his studio. They also captured the Fat Boys.
“Fat Boys! We demand that you make rap songs about eating lots of junk food and going to buffets”, demands Number One Bad Guy.
“No arguments here,” says Prince Markie Dee.
“Yeah, we love eating junk food and going to buffets. You’ve got a deal,” says Kool Rock-ski. The Fat Boys exit.
“Now, onto you, Kurtis Blow,” says Number One Bad Guy. “We’re here to convince you to make a song about how basketball stinks.”
“I’ll never do that”, says Kurtis Blow, who has been tied to a chair. “Basketball has always been my thing. I like Magic, Bird and Bernard King”.
“Well, we have ways to convince you otherwise”, says Mr. Kim. He sends five of his kung-fu goons to beat up Kurtis Blow. Just as one of his goons is about to hit Kurtis Blow with a nunchaku, it gets hit out of his hand with a basketball. The GW All Stars have arrived!
“Step away from Kurtis Blow”, says Mike Brown. “Mr. Kim, we challenge your goons to a game of basketball. If they win, we leave and Kurtis Blow can write your song about how basketball stinks. If we win, you and the League of Bad Guys leave him alone and he can complete his “Ego Trip” album the way he wants to.” Mr. Kim accepts their challenge.
In the locker room before the game, the GW All Stars discuss their strategy. They try to decide who will be the fifth player. Former GW basketball player Kwame Evans enters the room.
“Kwame Evans! What are you doing here?” asks Mike Hall.
“I travel time a lot. It’s fun!” says Kwame Evans. “Mind if I play with you guys?”
In Mr. Kim’s locker room, the goons ask him how they could possibly beat the GW All Stars, and they thank him for believing in their skills. Mr. Kim informs them there won’t be any basketball game. Instead, he has a plan…
At tip-off, Kwame Evans goes up for the jump ball. One of Mr. Kim’s goons hits him with a nunchaku. The other goons reveal that they are carrying kung fu weapons and look like they want to fight the GW All Stars.
“Hey, this isn’t how you play basketball!” says Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
The GW All Stars team up with Kwame Evans and use a combination of their basketball skills and kung fu skills to defeat Mr. Kim’s goons.
“GW All Stars, you may have one the battle, but you won’t win the war!” yells Number One Bad Guy. The League of Bad Guys retreat and travel time back to 2011.
“Kurtis Blow, it really is an honor to meet you,” says Shawnta Rogers, as he unties him from his chair.
“Hey, the pleasure is all mine. Thanks so much for saving me,” says Kurtis Blow. “You guys actually gave me a great idea for my music video. You think you’d want to stick around and watch me make the video?” The GW All Stars all agree.
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